I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and walking home alone. It gives me time to think and set my mind free. I like eating alone and listening to music alone. But when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with their best friend, I realise that even though I like being alone, I don’t fancy being lonely. The sky is beautiful, but the people are sad. I just need someone who won’t run away.
And these fingertips
Will never run through your skin
And those bright blue eyes
Can only meet mine across the room filled with people that are less important than you.
All ‘cause you love, love, love
When you know I can’t love
Suddenly I’m hit
Is this darkness of the dawn
And your friends are gone
When you friends won’t come
I’ll wait, so show me why you’re strong
Ignore everybody else,
We’re alone now
It’s just me in my room, with my eyes shut. Until he comes in and wraps his warm hands around me. We stay like that for a while, then he has to leave. When he comes back he’s drunk, but that doesn’t matter. He says that he will take me out with him the next day, if i want to. Then he kisses me on the forehead and falls asleep on the floor.
Now i really just want a cat and a glass table.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but i want it when i get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.
I’m always haunted by the idea that I’m wasting my life.