When you never cry in front of anybody, people think you don’t feel pain. They think you don’t have problems. They think you don’t care about what they say, or what they do, or what is happening. They think you are strong.
Maybe the last thing is true. There is this thing inside you that keeps the tears – the so-called sign of weakness – away from your eyes. That must be strength, or something like that. To keep yourself together while your inside scatters into a million little pieces.
However, people should remember tears always flow down, at every single person’s cheeks. They may not be visible, they may not be shown in front of them, but they are always there.
at one point i thought tumblr allowed people to pretend they’re something they’re not. then i realized that tumblr probably is the only place people really can be themselves. the only place with real feelings. we don’t pretend here, we pretend in real life.
No, stupid. I don’t want to kiss you in front of everyone else. Not because i’m ashamed to be kissing you, i’m really not. Actually, i’m over the moon about it all. But i want this to be just our moment. I want you to take me away from the crowd instead of trying to kiss me in the middle of the room with drunk people hanging over our shoulders staring. It’s supposed to be you and me, not everybody else.
i have always been the skinny girl, until suddenly i wasn’t. i became the “normal” girl, but i don’t want to be that one. when i was skinny i was happier. i never gave my looks a second thought, never really cared. now i’m counting calories, eating only in the presence of other people so they won’t notice something’s wrong, working out in secret and constantly feeling shit about myself. even when i get skinny again i know i’ll never be the same happy, carefree girl. it’s sad and i’m really tired of this. of everything.
I think the worst part of getting older is the birthdays. You have to hug the people you don’t really want to hug because they noticed it’s your birthday on Facebook. And the people you do want to hug don’t care that much, and some of them simply just forget. My best friend forgot. Happy birthday to me. On the other hand, now i know the list of birthdays to come isn’t as long as it was yesterday. Isn’t that just lovely.
I’m being depressed for stupid reasons, and I know it. Still, I’m forcing myself to stay awake at the middle of the night just so I can watch the sunrise alone in my garden. Pretending I’m with someone, I guess. The sun won’t come up in at least another hour or two. How’s this going to end? I really don’t know.